Horizons of Change

and the Weight of Exhaustion

Photo by Naz U on Unsplash

Have you ever felt, while looking at the horizon, that some big changes were coming your way? That’s exactly how I felt recently while gazing at the Bosphorus in Turkey. All the ships heading in different directions, choosing paths that will lead them to unknown places, far, far away. A place where two sides of the world, two civilizations meet across the sea—East and West, united. It’s a sensation of standing at the center of everything. There’s something both vertiginous and unsettling about the horizon opening up before us. Our minds and bodies can sense it—those moments when life is about to change drastically, when we stand at a crossroads and know that nothing will ever be the same again.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Some of you even PMed me to check if I was alright (thank you, by the way!). Honestly, I’m not entirely sure how alright I am. The last couple of months have felt like a hammer blow. Between revising my novel (then pausing it), writing treatments for a couple of film projects that I hope will go into development this year, producing tons of animation, and, of course, parenting with barely any help—I haven’t been able to think straight, let alone write for this blog. Honestly, it’s a mystery to me how I managed to post every week for a while. Things got so intense that my body finally broke down, and I ended up sick in bed for two weeks, completely unable to function.

As is often the case in such situations, the unsubscriptions started flowing in, and guilt over neglecting Substack crept in. But sometimes, you have to prioritize what actually brings in money and long-term opportunities. Don’t get me wrong—this blog is a long-term project for me. But I’ve never deluded myself into thinking it would be a source of income.

The most fundamental shift I can sense this year is the return of filmmaking. I feel it like a horn sounding through a misty valley. It’s been years since I directed a film, and the moment a producer asked me to provide some treatments, I immediately put my novel on hold and dove into it. I have a strong feeling that some film projects are just around the corner, and their pull is hard to resist. But for now—perhaps sadly—it’s all about surviving. Maybe when my kids are a bit older, things will calm down, and I’ll find a healthier rhythm.

It’s strange how film has always had this hold on me. It’s a bit like a drug, and when it comes calling, I’m unable to resist it. I think it’s because directing touches all the artistic disciplines that I hold dear—storytelling, photography, music, acting. For me, it’s like a cocktail that goes straight to my brain. When I write for too long without directing, I start going a bit stir crazy.

I miss the direct connection with you all, though. This blog has always been a way to check in with myself through the blank page. I’ve drawn so much warmth from our interactions here. For now, though, I’ll have to put my head down and tackle each task one at a time until my horizon clears a little. Then, hopefully, I can reconnect with Substack and, more broadly, with writing.

One thing that comforts me is the sense that I’m not the only one facing these kinds of challenges as the new year begins. It’s difficult for most of us to stick to the rhythm and discipline required to hold everything together.

Anyway, as I often find when I’m unsure what to write about, the best thing is simply to share what’s on my mind. At the very least, it’s a way to let those of you who reached out know how I’m doing.

I don’t have much time to write anything deeper—my little one keeps slamming the keyboard, and a French cartoon is blasting on the TV, disrupting my concentration. Parenting is undoubtedly the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I love my little ones to bits, but they are relentless, at full throttle from morning until they collapse with fatigue. But I’m alright, though—that’s all that matters.

I’ll keep looking at the horizon, eager to see what awaits me this year. I can feel big changes coming, and I can’t wait to find out what they are.

I hope you’ve had an easier start to the year than I have, and I sincerely hope I’ll be able to post more regularly soon. Wishing you all a happy new year—may the horizon hold amazing changes for us all.