A Digital Hermit Returns to Social Media

After a Five-Year Hiatus, I'm Back to the Great Temple of the Self

Six years ago, I committed an unthinkable crime against professional ambition and quit all social media. From one day to the next, I disabled everything and retreated, like a hermit, into a deep cavern of digital solitude. BUT HOW ABOUT THE OPPORTUNITIES, THE JOBS, THE POTENTIAL EVERYTHING THAT WAS OUT THERE, my agitated soul (and friends) howled. The FOMO was through the roof; I felt like I’d just thrown myself into a lake with boulders attached to my feet.

I would be forgotten, disappeared, dead before my time. WHY? How could anyone take such a foolish decision when IT’S ALL ABOUT NETWORKING, MATE, and YOU'VE GOT TO DO WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO. Well, I heavily dislike pain, for starters, and I must say that at the time, the hooting and whooping for constant attention were giving me daily ocular migraines. I quickly struggled to find coherence. I had signed up for a cosy gathering of friends, not to read Karen and Matt fighting it over the latest buzzy, toxic, red-hot topic in the news.

AH COME ON YOU CAN FILTER OUT WHAT YOU SEE! Ok, I get it. Actually, I don't; it never works… And what do I actually want to see? I’m yearning for genuine connection. It’s going to sound extremely cheesy, but I want to see people for who they really are, in their complexity, issues, conflict. I want to connect with them on a much deeper level; I don’t care for what I can get out of them and what they can get out of me. OK, this last statement does NOT apply to you if you have 3 million quid sitting around for a feature film; in this case, I’ll hoot and whoop and pout and everything in between. But outside of that hypothetical scenario, I’ve never experienced a genuine connection on social media; if anyone has, I’d be curious to hear. I think there is a fundamental thing about broadcasting that makes everything… Staged. Two long-time friends around a table talking their heart out: there is no goal there, there is nothing to be had from it but human connection. Anything on social media seems to carry with it some KPI, some target. As if everyone is a goddamn marketing manager.

Anyway, INTENSE STUFF, RIGHT? Phew… I know… I get it… For most people, they take it way more light-heartedly than me, but since it’s so ‘easy to connect’ these days, it’s actually so much harder to actually connect. And frankly, beyond my little case of cynicism, I’m not sure where that will lead us eventually.

The situation before deleting myself.

So, quitting social media then. Yes, I draped myself in my mantle of offended dignity; I decided that full isolation was the only positive way forward for me, even if that meant professional suicide. I had always liked this allegory of the mad writers of old going on a health retreat somewhere in Switzerland. This was my equivalent. I climbed as high as I could over the tumult, built a giant cave, and sat there, grumpily withdrawing and mulling over WTF to do next. Well, I started reading a lot, again. Something that is frankly hard to do with notifications from 5 different accounts popping every two minutes. I found tremendous enjoyment in doing and experiencing stuff that required more than 30 seconds of my attention. Most importantly, I realised that:

• The people who really cared for me could still find me.

• Not reading everyone's specialist opinions about toxic subjects made zero difference.

• It didn’t actually made any significant difference professionally (I got two of my biggest funded films done during the period).

Yes, that’s more like it.

But I'm back! Tada. Why then? How? Wut? Literally, all my accounts are reactivated. Am I a great hypocrite then? What was the point of it all? Well, for a start, let me say one thing: we are all hypocrites and I won’t go into details on this. Secondly: Substack. Yes, Substack is, I think, the core reason for my return from the land of the forgotten. I might be wrong but it occurred to me like a social media where contemplative long-form could exist. Where people like me could thrive and actually create things of interest rather than just wave at the world frantically. Well, we all need to wave a bit, for sure, and so will I, but in general, my goal is to hone my writing, to say things I believe in etc etc.

LUL, YOU WASTED TIME THEN. No no, you don’t get it. My retreat in the clouds of loneliness has allowed me to gather my powers. Like an action hero from the 80s, I went through the training montage, and I've reached my final form. I’m wiser now, my mental muscles are sharp and my focus is peerless; I can easily resist the pull of the small crappy content; I can focus myself and avoid watching… the latest cat fail videos… the updates about nightmare-inducing news… the latest vanity award for this and for that…. The guilt inducing videos about parenting…… Alright OK, I can’t quite. But! I can deal with it better. I have a more structured approach. Yes, I, too, am now approaching social media with a transactional goal in mind, but at least I've come to terms with it. Like Darth Vader, I’ve let the hate flow through me, and I’m ready to build and crush the resistance. This is just the beginning for me. But I promised myself a few things:

• I will not yell at people only to promote myself.

• I will find genuine content to consume and tell; less is more.

• I will not hoot and whoop like a teenage cheerleader to get some attention—Unless you have £3m for a feature in which case I’ll do whatever you want honestly.

• I will not lie about who I am. I’m a grumpy gorilla, give or take.

So hear me out, O great cacophony! I’m BACK and I shall be fiddling a disgruntled little tune, but hopefully this time I’ll find my harmony.