Well, here I am, a complete stranger. But I want to thank you for sharing the love and the grief for your friend. It is a reminder of a simple truth - we are not alone in this life.
Don't let it worry you. Sometimes subject matter and feelings written are too intense for some. What you lost you will regain with those who resonate with your soul work. Thank you for sharing, I relate to losing my best friend and wrote a piece on it a while back. I like to think we dedicated our memories to those no longer with us... but they can see us from the stars. Great writing and I'm sorry for this loss.
This a really beautiful piece. I won't (at least, I'll try) not say anything corny. I guess there is a quiet loveliness in our grief, the way we carry those we lost with us, how they're gone, but not gone. I lost my brother who was also a best friend decades ago--there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him, what he would be like today, all he's missed of my life and his. I also had a falling out with a man who was my soul mate, joined at the hip, finishing each other's sentences, brothers from another mother, over a petty falling out--35 years of friendship--Poof! I miss him too. Thank you for sharing this.
What a beautifully honest piece. So raw, you've turned pain into beauty in this piece. Platonic love can be deep, deep love. Soulful connections often don't have the vocabulary for expression.
Art, music, poetry, movies, writing etc often find better expression than any 1 to 1 conversation.
What courage you both had to witness, fully live and honour this beautiful connection.
Only this morning I heard a new release by the 'Pet Shop Boys', I thought it was going to be sad tune but it lifted my vibration. How music, beats and melody can make friends with wider, less expressed emotions and transform it.
Thanks for sharing your journey of expression on this, so others can alchemise too.
I can’t imagine that was an easy thing to write, but now many of us know about Jon. I think that’s worth something.
The way you come in-and-out of the Bach concert is beautiful, and it reminds me of times that I’ve had to face challenges and how hard it is to stay focussed on one thing while connecting it to everything and nothing seemingly at the same time.
I hope you don't mind me commenting this here. I feel strange, intruding, even reading this but I'm so, so glad I came across it. I used to work at a café in Balham and Jon was a regular. He was, I think, my favourite customer. He was immensely kind and always a little lonely, but so excited to share things with other people. One time as I was closing I had some film scores playing and he was so happy to hear Bernard Herrmann, so happy to share his love of the music with someone. A few days before he died we had staff drinks and he came and drank with us. I talked with him the whole night, about music and the NFTS and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and god knows what else. He showed me a poem he'd written in his phone and 19 year old me thought it was the best thing I'd ever read. I've often felt odd, or wrong, carrying this small parcel of grief for someone I never properly knew, even if most of the time it's been tucked away far in the back of my mind. But thank you for offering me a small window into his life beyond that café through what you've written here. And I hope you had a chance to read that poem, it really was beautiful.
Thanks for your comment Lydia. I'm really glad this essay reached you somehow! I can easily imagine him sitting outside with a book, a glass of wine and his rolling cigarettes...
Reading this some months after you wrote it, Remy. What a beautiful tribute to your friend and profound essay on grief. And on the way music can transport us.
this is beautiful – I miss a friend who died a while back and it was a complicated relationship that I hated from time to time but I loved and him too. thanks
"You always felt that you were ‘lacking’, if only you’d seen how amazing you were objectively. Oh, you knew your musical talent, but you disparaged it all the same." - this is my most loved sentence from you. I know about Bach music, as I am a learnt pianist in my youth. HIs musical note is seemingly simple on surface but sweetly charming at core.
I personally truly know how difficult this is to tell a story about an intimate relationship (even if this is platonic, but that's not important), but you seem to tell this so swiftly and soft, almost like effortlessly. Feel like this must be "mushroom" in your brain for some time before you can let it out in words - someone you miss, but the feeling remains all the same.
Thank you for sharing this Remy. Grief is such a strange thing and we all deal with it differently. I find it odd that society only lets you grieve publicly for such a short time before you are meant to 'get back to it' and not keep harping on about your loss. It is as much a part of our lives as living and yet we have to carry the burden silently and alone for much of the time. I hope it gets easier for you.
I too write letters I can never send to a person who can never read them, who left no forwarding address—just a gaping hole shaped like his outsized influence in my life that I tumble headlong into when I least expect it. His favorite food, a song he loved, a stranger with a similar voice—any crazy, random thing can reach up and pull me into the depths of the abyss of grief with no warning. I know he is gone intellectually, but even eight years later, my heart still hasn’t gotten the message. If you find the secret to peace, bottle it and sell it. It will pay for your kids’ college tuition fees. Until then, know that Jonathan lives on every time you speak his name, and that today, I weep for him too.
I don’t listen to that type of music usually but I actually searched for and listened to Bach last night. What you have written is so beautiful and tender and heartbreaking. I cried. To me that pain is evidence of love so pure. Thank you for letting us get to know what a special person he was. And what a beautiful heart you have. 🙏🏽
Well, here I am, a complete stranger. But I want to thank you for sharing the love and the grief for your friend. It is a reminder of a simple truth - we are not alone in this life.
You were both lucky to have each other.
Thanks Fotini 💜
Wow.
I felt this.
Deeply somehow even if I never knew Jon.
This was brilliance Remy, and I hope your treatment goes well.
As an outsider, this piece in itself felt like treatment too.
Writing is healing isn’t it?
Vraiment, chapeau
Interestingly this is my most unsubscribe post ever 🤷🏼♂️
Don't let it worry you. Sometimes subject matter and feelings written are too intense for some. What you lost you will regain with those who resonate with your soul work. Thank you for sharing, I relate to losing my best friend and wrote a piece on it a while back. I like to think we dedicated our memories to those no longer with us... but they can see us from the stars. Great writing and I'm sorry for this loss.
Thanks Patti.
From a complete stranger who is now crying too... just my love to you both 🖤
💙
Beautiful tribute to a meaningful relationship with a significant person, with broader relevance - thank you for sharing this
Cheers Ethan
This a really beautiful piece. I won't (at least, I'll try) not say anything corny. I guess there is a quiet loveliness in our grief, the way we carry those we lost with us, how they're gone, but not gone. I lost my brother who was also a best friend decades ago--there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him, what he would be like today, all he's missed of my life and his. I also had a falling out with a man who was my soul mate, joined at the hip, finishing each other's sentences, brothers from another mother, over a petty falling out--35 years of friendship--Poof! I miss him too. Thank you for sharing this.
I'm sorry to hear this mate, thanks for you comment
Thank you RB.
What a beautifully honest piece. So raw, you've turned pain into beauty in this piece. Platonic love can be deep, deep love. Soulful connections often don't have the vocabulary for expression.
Art, music, poetry, movies, writing etc often find better expression than any 1 to 1 conversation.
What courage you both had to witness, fully live and honour this beautiful connection.
Only this morning I heard a new release by the 'Pet Shop Boys', I thought it was going to be sad tune but it lifted my vibration. How music, beats and melody can make friends with wider, less expressed emotions and transform it.
Thanks for sharing your journey of expression on this, so others can alchemise too.
https://open.spotify.com/track/6fSFZusee1TtCLfxz3BuQ2?si=PNN6H3s6T52W59dBTYPuZw
Thanks so much!
We all have pains to process, we just need to find the right personal channel. And it is not a cheesy story, it is cream cheesy 🫠🙃
Thanks AAI
I can’t imagine that was an easy thing to write, but now many of us know about Jon. I think that’s worth something.
The way you come in-and-out of the Bach concert is beautiful, and it reminds me of times that I’ve had to face challenges and how hard it is to stay focussed on one thing while connecting it to everything and nothing seemingly at the same time.
Thanks FZ. To be honest, I hadn't expected this concert to slam me like it did, it was a strong madeleine.
The concert sounds like one of those experiences that emotionally slaps you in the face out of nowhere
I hope you don't mind me commenting this here. I feel strange, intruding, even reading this but I'm so, so glad I came across it. I used to work at a café in Balham and Jon was a regular. He was, I think, my favourite customer. He was immensely kind and always a little lonely, but so excited to share things with other people. One time as I was closing I had some film scores playing and he was so happy to hear Bernard Herrmann, so happy to share his love of the music with someone. A few days before he died we had staff drinks and he came and drank with us. I talked with him the whole night, about music and the NFTS and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and god knows what else. He showed me a poem he'd written in his phone and 19 year old me thought it was the best thing I'd ever read. I've often felt odd, or wrong, carrying this small parcel of grief for someone I never properly knew, even if most of the time it's been tucked away far in the back of my mind. But thank you for offering me a small window into his life beyond that café through what you've written here. And I hope you had a chance to read that poem, it really was beautiful.
Thanks for your comment Lydia. I'm really glad this essay reached you somehow! I can easily imagine him sitting outside with a book, a glass of wine and his rolling cigarettes...
Reading this some months after you wrote it, Remy. What a beautiful tribute to your friend and profound essay on grief. And on the way music can transport us.
Thanks Wendy!
this is beautiful – I miss a friend who died a while back and it was a complicated relationship that I hated from time to time but I loved and him too. thanks
Thanks for reading E.T!
Hi Remy
"You always felt that you were ‘lacking’, if only you’d seen how amazing you were objectively. Oh, you knew your musical talent, but you disparaged it all the same." - this is my most loved sentence from you. I know about Bach music, as I am a learnt pianist in my youth. HIs musical note is seemingly simple on surface but sweetly charming at core.
I personally truly know how difficult this is to tell a story about an intimate relationship (even if this is platonic, but that's not important), but you seem to tell this so swiftly and soft, almost like effortlessly. Feel like this must be "mushroom" in your brain for some time before you can let it out in words - someone you miss, but the feeling remains all the same.
Thanks 💙💙
Thank you for sharing this Remy. Grief is such a strange thing and we all deal with it differently. I find it odd that society only lets you grieve publicly for such a short time before you are meant to 'get back to it' and not keep harping on about your loss. It is as much a part of our lives as living and yet we have to carry the burden silently and alone for much of the time. I hope it gets easier for you.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment Jane 💙💙
I too write letters I can never send to a person who can never read them, who left no forwarding address—just a gaping hole shaped like his outsized influence in my life that I tumble headlong into when I least expect it. His favorite food, a song he loved, a stranger with a similar voice—any crazy, random thing can reach up and pull me into the depths of the abyss of grief with no warning. I know he is gone intellectually, but even eight years later, my heart still hasn’t gotten the message. If you find the secret to peace, bottle it and sell it. It will pay for your kids’ college tuition fees. Until then, know that Jonathan lives on every time you speak his name, and that today, I weep for him too.
Thanks for this moving comment, it feels comforting 💜
I don’t listen to that type of music usually but I actually searched for and listened to Bach last night. What you have written is so beautiful and tender and heartbreaking. I cried. To me that pain is evidence of love so pure. Thank you for letting us get to know what a special person he was. And what a beautiful heart you have. 🙏🏽
Thanks 💙💙
Thank you for your vulnerability. I’m sorry for your loss, Remy.
Cheers Marc