The Eight Stages of Rejection
An Unhelpful Guide
Name: Rejection.
Age: Way too young and never too old.
Appearance: An email, if lucky.
Occurrence: Far too often.
Effect: Anywhere from crushing disappointment to berserker rage.
Reason: Some VIP list you're not on... yet.
Cause: Humans really love hierarchies.
Does it matter? In the grand scheme, less than we think, but try telling that to our egos.
Isn’t it unavoidable? Yes, but you never get used to it.
What’s important then? Connecting with the world.
Treatment: Thick skin, experience, and a healthy dose of skepticism.
***
Name: Shock.
Age: Instantaneous.
Appearance: An invisible punch.
Occurrence: Right after rejection.
Effect: Disbelief and numbness.
Cause: Foolish hopes.
Does it matter? Ask my stomach.
Treatment: The slow passing of seconds.
***
Name: Denial.
Age: Fleeting.
Appearance: Re-reading the email, questioning the reality.
Occurrence: Soon after shock.
Effect: Temporary refuge in a false reality.
Cause: The world as it’s made is unacceptable.
Does it matter? It can be a short-term coping mechanism.
Treatment: Processing words into intelligible sentences again.
***
Name: Anger.
Age: Unpredictable.
Appearance: Have you seen The Hulk?
Occurrence: As denial fades.
Effect: Anything from catatonia to ransacking a living room.
Cause: Threatened ego.
Does it matter? If you live with other human beings, yes.
Treatment: Primal screams into pillows. Cookies.
***
Name: Bargaining.
Age: Transitional.
Appearance: “If only” sentences.
Occurrence: Right about when you start arguing with the past.
Effect: A mental treadmill of hypotheticals.
Cause: A desire to regain control.
Does it matter? It reflects the struggle to cope with loss.
Treatment: A vigorous session of complaining to your pet/indoor plants.
***
Name: Depression.
Age: Variable.
Appearance: Sadness, withdrawal, or a sense of loss.
Occurrence: When the full impact sinks in.
Effect: Like a hangover without the party.
Cause: Realization of the rejection's full extent.
Does it matter? It's a sign of acknowledging and feeling the loss.
Treatment: Friends, laughter, food, and a good psychiatrist.
***
Name: Testing.
Age: Emergent.
Appearance: A mad scientist in the lab of life.
Occurrence: As depression lifts.
Effect: Tentative steps towards new possibilities.
Cause: Stubborn hope poking through the dirt.
Does it matter? Are there any other alternatives?
Treatment: Try new approaches, take small steps, and be patient with yourself.
***
Name: Acceptance.
Age: Earned over time.
Appearance: A deep ragged breath.
Occurrence: After working through other stages.
Effect: A quiet ‘f*ck off’ to the universe with a side of wry smile.
Cause: Realizing the show must go on, with or without your consent.
Does it matter? It's the season finale that sets up the next exciting season.
Treatment: Wear your insecurities like a badge of honour and keep on walking.
***
Side effects may include any previous stage unexpectedly reappearing at random, loss of appetite, existential ennui, night sweats, increased appetite, constipation, nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, fatigue, a lump in your throat that appears whenever you sit down to start again, and extreme anxiety.
Your mileage may vary.
I'm full of unhelpful advice. The one helpful bit I do have is humor and plenty of it.
And, oh, yes! Drinking the blood of your enemies.
Cheeers!
You’re most welcome 🫡