The Proust Questionnaire: Anna Schott
"Gluttony is its own reward."
Welcome back to this series, where I invite you to discover Substack writers I love.
Today, we’re looking at an offbeat writer with an incredibly idiosyncratic universe:
What I like about Anna and her work is the unexpectedness and wit that permeate everything she does. From her poems to her essays, or even the DMs you will exchange, you never know where Anna will take you, and that in itself is an enjoyment all of its own. But it’s not just this. She does something which I’m very familiar with myself and have a weakness for: she mixes the silly and sublime.
She can write the most delicate of poems about farting; she can cheerfully talk about the most miserable of occasions. Anna is a writer of contrast, of contradiction, but always with a lightness of touch that is truly unique.
If you want to find out more about Anna and her work, please visit her page and subscribe here:
And now without further ado, here is
‘s Proust Questionnaire!Anna, what is your idea of perfect happiness?
After years of sleep deprivation due to being a parent, and menopause, at this point my idea of perfect happiness is simply… sleep! Sleep, every night, like 8 hours of it. My god what I wouldn’t do! First off, I’d walk. I’d walk so much. My house is surrounded by mountains and trails and creeks; I’d walk ‘em all. And then I’d come home and listen to records and dance. I made some videos of myself dancing–I just had such awesome moves, you know? But somehow the videos didn’t pick that up–instead, they show a super awkward uncoordinated goon thinking she knows how to do shit with her hips. She doesn’t.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Luke Skywalker, because he has 2 droids (I don’t have any but that could always change, and besides, it’s not about what you have.) Also, we both grew up in a dry climate. And lastly, his hand was cut off by Darth Vader, just like mine.
Which living person do you most admire?
, because he’s dealt with adversity and done it with courage. He’s got this enviable ability of being able to engage with bigots while remaining calm and unruffled. I mean he’s probably ruffled, but he doesn’t show it. Whereas I’d be flailing my arms around and sputtering in an incoherent rage. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked my husband for help with this one. Can anybody recommend a good marriage counselor?
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
I deplore the trait in others of not cleaning the baseboards, like, ever. James! (My husband) James, are you listening? Am I the only person who notices the baseboards? Every day they taunt me with their dust and grime. Where does it even come from? Why doesn’t it bother anyone else? What is wrong with people? Actually, maybe the problem is me. Thinking it over, the problem might actually be that I don’t drink. I mean, I drink once in a while but am beginning to suspect I don’t drink enough. If you think about it, a lot of problems can be solved simply by drinking more. For instance, drunk people don’t notice baseboards. They have better things to do. If I had a few glasses of wine, I wouldn’t notice or care about such mundane things either. I’d be free! I’d probably start singing, a little too loudly… might make an ill-advised, indignant phone call to my boss… or shed a few maudlin tears to some cheesy song… but dust? That’s just for sober, fussy, OCD party poopers, not me! Sings: “I’m a freewheelin’ S.O.B…”.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Pants. I have too many pants. I spent the last few years losing and gaining weight and for each loss or gain I was compelled to buy new pants. Now I own 5 ok I’m lying it’s actually 7 pairs of brown canvas highwaters, and I won’t even mention the jeans. The jeans.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Being cool. I want to see excitement, enthusiasm! Don’t be cool.
On what occasion do you lie?
Is every day an occasion? I lie to my kid every day. Just to get out of things mainly. “No, I’m so sorry, the zoo is closed again today.” Or to hide stuff: “Mom! Did you just open some chips?!” “What? What are you talking about? We don’t have any chips!” Turns on tap full blast, scarfs entire bag.
What is your greatest regret?
I admit that, in my past, I've fallen for some pretty despicable men. Against my better judgment, I've allowed myself to be taken in by their wit and charm. A folly of youth? Maybe. But I was pretty thorough about it.
When and where are you happiest?
Walking with my husband/aka dude who never ever cleans the fucking baseboards, while we talk and have ideas and make dumb jokes and laugh.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
A slim volume (never judge a book by its size) of bad poetry about big butts and pizza called The End that I wrote under the alias “Fanny Middleton.”
If you could choose to come back as something, what would it be?
A raven… I could fly AND be smart AND collect stuff.
What is your most treasured possession?
An old, blue clothbound copy of Twenty-Three Tales by Tolstoy. It’s not a rare book or anything, but they’re terrifically moving stories that I first read when I was around 10. My favorite is “What Men Live By.”
Where would you like to live?
In France or California in a handmade house from my book about handmade houses by Art Boericke and Barry Shapiro.
What is your favorite occupation?
Hanging out at the river. My best memories involve crystal clear water with me in it.
What is your most marked characteristic?
See The End by Fanny Middleton.
What do you most value in your friends?
I’m thinking of a few of my closest friends–some who I’ve known since childhood–and they’re all thoughtful, considerate and smart. They never pose, posture, perform etc. They’re never phony. I love them.
Who are your favorite writers?
Horton Foote, Quentin Crisp, Ian Frazier, Stephen Fry, Austen, Trollope, Lawrence, Wodehouse, Diana Athill, Max Schott, Hardy, Simenon, Tom Cox, Oliver Sacks, Narayan, Joseph Mitchell, Hemingway, William Carlos Williams, Ackerly, Nadezhda Mandelstam, Roddy Doyle, E.M. Forster, Tolstoy, Chekov, Knausgaard, Boswell, Hazlitt, Ronald Blythe, William Trevor, Calvin Trillin, Bill Watterson.
Who are your heroes in real life?
My husband James. When my dad was in the hospital and having psychosis, where he didn’t know who we were and was suspicious, paranoid, screaming for the police (he’s fine now; it’s a horrible thing that can happen to people who are hospitalized,) James slept with me on the floor of the hospital room for a month, hardly sleeping, hardly eating, having to strap down my dad so he wouldn’t hurt himself… it was a terrifying, exhausting and heartbreaking situation, but James never complained, and always, always spoke calmly and soothingly to my dad, to me… it was one of those times of crisis when the trappings of day-to-day life fall away and the true essence of existence, of people and relationships, of character, are all that matter and it became clear to me then that the true essence of James is that he is an angel upon this earth.
How would you like to die?
Comfortably–if that’s a thing–fully conscious, outside in perfect weather in a field under a tree overlooking the ocean, while holding hands with my husband and son. Maybe while also nibbling a bit of Toblerone. Last words: “Ew, this is sweeter than I remember, did they change the formula?” Croak.
What is your motto?
Gluttony is its own reward.
Thanks a lot Anna for playing the game, and as always…
Please let us know if you have any questions in the comments!
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Very nice to meet you, Anna. Your husband sounds like a real angel. I’m glad you took part in this questionnaire, as you seem like a fascinating person. Also, my wife is also obsessed with baseboards and other obscure dust-collecting spots!
A chef's air kiss. Splendid answers, wonderful life.