Writing is like a walking stick: something to lean on when you feel lame, to wave at things that threaten you, to flourish when you’re enjoying yourself. It’s also something you can trip over, or become dependent on - but writing every day, like walking, keeps your muscles in trim, and even if you get covered in mud, or lost, at least you’ve made the effort that distinguishes the amateur from the professional. Pros go wrong all the time, vanish up dead ends, and make life intolerable for themselves and those around them. It’s part of the business of being a writer - one of the few businesses where failure is guaranteed.
Sharing my struggles helps sometimes, as long as I don’t feel over-exposed, and reading such honest introspective stories like yours helps too. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your experience! Whenever I struggle with a project (especially a writing project), there’s a battle inside my head between giving up and accepting ‘I’m not good enough’ versus sticking it out and seeing it like a learning & growing path. One thing I’m trying to do is to be a bit more relaxed about whatever I’m doing, not overthink the process and have a little more patience with myself. Not every little bump in the road is a crater so I’ll just have a little faith and try again tomorrow.
For me, the writing is always fun, because even when it stinks, I can usually salvage something. It's the publishing that sucks. I have published with good independent presses, big houses like HarperCollins, and small literary presses, and it's always a struggle. It's especially difficult with big houses now because they are looking for the "next big thing." I lost my agent a few years ago to the "paranormal romance" genre (women falling love with supernatural creatures) because she knew where the money was. So, at 72, I began looking for an agent for the best piece of fiction I have written, and I experienced an extraordinary amount of agism, one 30-something woman declining without even reading the book, saying, "My agency would wonder how many books you have left in you." Geez, I was just surfing last summer. I felt like responding, "How would you feel if I told you that I rejected your novel without reading it because you have skinny legs," Eventually I went with a small respected literary press with little distribution, so the book has been used in some college classes but that's it. It was painful, but sometimes you have to let go of a book and get it out there and move on, instead of waiting for the gods to shine their light on you. To the person who said none of your concerns matter and that we just write for ourselves, I say, "Bullshit." It's a given that we write for ourselves, but there is no writer who doesn't want to have an audience for a book. People always refer to Kafka wanting Max Brod to burn all of his manuscripts but if Kafka didn't want people to read his work, he could have made a bonfire and tossed them all into it.
You made me laugh outloud! "It's the publishing that sucks. I have published with good independent presses, big houses like HarperCollins, and small literary presses, and it's always a struggle. It's especially difficult with big houses now because they are looking for the "next big thing."" "So, at 72, I began looking for an agent for the best piece of fiction I have written, and I experienced an extraordinary amount of agism, one 30-something woman declining without even reading the book, saying, "My agency would wonder how many books you have left in you." Geez, I was just surfing last summer. I felt like responding, "How would you feel if I told you that I rejected your novel without reading it because you have skinny legs," " A GREAT COMMENT!!
We are at the same crossroads. At 68 with three novels finished, it's apparent we'll never be picked up by either agent or publisher. So, we're trying to hire Kathleen Schmidt with Publishing Confidential to advise us on "best methods" for moving forward with self-publishing. Stay tuned!
P.S. Publishers and Agents have NO IDEA what they're missing! Keep pushing!
I can't believe that agent was so dismissive! Business is business, but authors shouldn't be viewed as content machines - I mean, isn't one of the major appeals of writing the human aspect? I thank you for your insight on the publishing industry.
As for the audience aspect, that rings true for me - my fear of criticism is constantly battling with a desire for my writing to be seen. And how fortunate are we that Kafka didn't kindle that flame?
Molly, thanks for the thoughtful response. I always try to see the humor in it all. It's amusing that writers today are caught in between the Kafka/Emily Dickinson model of supposedly writing for oneself and not caring about a future audience and our current culture where writers are constantly engaged in self-promotion at the expense of writing good stuff. The answer: Just do the work and get it out there without embarrassing yourself. We writers of course have to do something. No one is going to show up at the door and say, "Molly, we heard you're a genius. Can you give us your work to publish?" But sometimes the 24-7 neediness of writers makes me cringe. What reading on Substack has showed me, though, is that there are many, many terrific writers who have trouble publishing when so much junk is being taken by big houses.
Well, I wish you had the answer too, Remy, so you could tell me what it is. Having said that, I also confess to not always loving writing. But I don't find that hard to accept. There's nothing I love that isn't also sometimes a chore or a pain or a tougher challenge than I feel like taking on and maybe I'd rather just take a nap — literally nothing. So why should writing be any different?
Remy, thank you for this open text. I can relate to it in many ways. Being an obsessive person myself, I do feel burnout sometimes. In this case I try to do something very different to clear my mind. If I write, I stop for a day or two and talk with people more, meet some new ones. Sometimes the break is longer. To not feel guilty about it I sketch short notes if I get a new idea. Latter I expand on some of them.
About being vulnerable. I have a lot of very unusual thoughts and experiences in my life that are hard to find a place and format to share. But my Substack looks like a great place for it, however it is happening gradually. Still do not feel that comfortable to share some ideas, but at the same time it is very tempting to do. We will see how it goes. Nevertheless sharing my intimate contemplations is a therapeutic process. Feels like I have digested and processed it when it becomes a text.
I love when you and other writers share from their hearts. It’s what keeps the writing connected to the reader.
Anyway… your thoughts bring back a continuing ed course I took about 10 years ago.. it was about secondary trauma (not that writing brings trauma.. bear with me for a moment). And learning how to ease the physical body which then eases the mind.
Your term “clenching” is perfect for what the body does under stress. The instructor for the course said that: We clench our butt cheeks. All of us do. In turn, clenched butt cheeks pinches and stresses the vagus nerve, which is connected to every organ in our body. So of course the body gets stressed right along with the mind. Nerves are pinched,
The cure is in relaxing those butt cheeks on purpose. If it doesn’t happen just by thinking about it, one can bear down like one might when having a bowel movement (yet don’t poo your pants😜).
This simple practice along with some box breathing will begin the letting go of clenching.
Then the author’s brain needs to check in. Not the ego (who lies big time). And I use different techniques to loosen the egos grip. Some of which are: switching viewpoints, becoming a reader of one type, then another type of reader. See how things land in each view. Take the ego for a walk and have a conversation like you might with a 5 year old: what’s going on with the ‘never good enough attitude ego?’.. (listen for the answer) then ask ‘what would it be that might encourage you (the ego) to slightly alter your stance?’ Etc.
and if all that fails, I send the ego on a vacation to someplace fabulous (Bora Bora, Bali, etc) and tell him he’s worked so hard he needs a break. Be sure to send a good book along with him.
Great bodywork...! It will also loosen up the clenching of emotions.
Your ego is male, because you send "him" on holiday ☺️ the ego can inflate, deflate, coagulate, blow itself up etc., it's part of juices of life (body) 💜 and creation.
I’m no expert but have you ever tried a different modality like painting or idk opera singing to distract you from the uncomfortable feelings your obsession with “writing every day” brings you? Just a thought. Sharing this way definitely opens up others to not feel threatened to share! It must be challenging to be such a genius and your writing is very brilliant! 😉
I think you're onto something here. Creativity is like exercise for the mind, yes? And you wouldn't do the same exercise every day, because different muscles need a turn. Also now I want to hear everyone singing opera when they're stuck.
On a different note, while I was writing my last two academic essays I really struggled. Eventually I forced myself into the mindset of "don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good". I got the highest marks of my whole degree on those essays, so clearly something worked!
This was so interesting to me- it was as though someone had laid some of my peculiar thought processes bare, but better yet, your honesty and vulnerability allowed me to see some novel ways to deal with my weirdness… not that you are peculiar or weird in anyway…that would be ME…oh dear, I do not handle giving or receiving compliments well, please excuse- wonderful writing as always, Remy!! 🤗😊
I also have an uncomfortable relationship with writing sometimes. There! I said it, too. I even wrote about it at some point. It isn't easy to sustain a state of mind, an action, an idea...relentlessly for too long. That's why it's good to take a break from writing and come back refreshed. My last break from my novel took a year. Yup. I'm back to it now with fresh ideas and much enthusiasm.
Thanks for sharing. I don’t believe any endeavor, those worth doing I mean, is ever easy. Have you considered that discovering the inward-out of creating might be the whole reason to do it? As if the output, be they pages/reels/posts, are simply the manifestation of that therapeutic process in physical form.
I like your explanations of perseverance and clenching. I think about this a lot! My ex would always say that if the struggle was too much, give up because that means it isn’t meant to be. But, then there’s something to be said about sticking something out and making it through the rough spots. Does anything really ever come easy??
I’ve been at a crossroads with my writing for a while. I have at least two books I want to do, but stalled out trying to decide whether to try traditional publishing, self publishing, or try to get an agent… I’m leaning towards self publishing, even though I’m fairly certain I could probably get traditional, and/or possibly get an agent. I go back and forth daily though 🤪 I don’t always do well with self-imposed deadlines.
I certainly don't agree with your ex for sure difficulty shouldn't stop a project otherwise nothing would get done! I do think however that it's key to notice clenching in ourselves and manage to relax processes a bit.
Dear Remy, I have done similar reflection this week and I’m sharing my findings here with you not as self-promotion, but in the hope that it might actually help in finding lightness in the writing process:
What my essay does not address is the clenching part. To that I will add something that I said today to my yoga student who is always so productive. I think the problem is that we often think about productivity in terms of output, I.e. what we produce, and, overlook the value of input, I.e. how we nurture ourselves with joy and inspirations! A quiet moment, taking in the natural beauty of our surroundings, a beautifully composed sentence, our children’s seemingly meaningless chatter, can do wonders to our creative souls. Without which, we march ahead more like machines without souls, not to mention, we are in danger of producing art without a soul. I see slowing down not as a separate part of my creative process, but a vital, necessary part of it! Hope this helps…
This article really spoke to me🤍 I have been guilty far too many times of clenching to things, loosing my joy for them and spiraling myself into a pit of obsessive anxiety.
I have completed as a high level athlete and constantly have to learn to approach my training in a healthy way, otherwise I stand still in progress stuck in seeking perfection in a very unhealthy way.
I see similar trends in my writing journey, though I am still a very new writer. I don't always enjoy it, but I love what you said about constantly redefining what writing is. It helps me find the joy again, and it usually lends to much better writing🙌
Reading this felt like an exhale. I am wholly seen with your witty confession that writing isn't always pleasurable! In my experience, nonwriters well-intentionally tell me my love of writing must make all forms/tasks of writing unwaveringly enjoyable; the dirty truth is that sometimes, even writing for leisure can come with boredom and frustration. But if writing were a person and authorship were a relationship, would we not muscle through the inevitable rough patch or argument and continue to love them anyway? Such is life! I really enjoyed this piece. From one chronically obsessive person to another, keep writing!
Writing is like a walking stick: something to lean on when you feel lame, to wave at things that threaten you, to flourish when you’re enjoying yourself. It’s also something you can trip over, or become dependent on - but writing every day, like walking, keeps your muscles in trim, and even if you get covered in mud, or lost, at least you’ve made the effort that distinguishes the amateur from the professional. Pros go wrong all the time, vanish up dead ends, and make life intolerable for themselves and those around them. It’s part of the business of being a writer - one of the few businesses where failure is guaranteed.
Very well said!
Thank you! An example of not knowing what I was thinking until I wrote it down.
Sharing my struggles helps sometimes, as long as I don’t feel over-exposed, and reading such honest introspective stories like yours helps too. Thank you!
💙
Thank you for sharing your experience! Whenever I struggle with a project (especially a writing project), there’s a battle inside my head between giving up and accepting ‘I’m not good enough’ versus sticking it out and seeing it like a learning & growing path. One thing I’m trying to do is to be a bit more relaxed about whatever I’m doing, not overthink the process and have a little more patience with myself. Not every little bump in the road is a crater so I’ll just have a little faith and try again tomorrow.
For me, the writing is always fun, because even when it stinks, I can usually salvage something. It's the publishing that sucks. I have published with good independent presses, big houses like HarperCollins, and small literary presses, and it's always a struggle. It's especially difficult with big houses now because they are looking for the "next big thing." I lost my agent a few years ago to the "paranormal romance" genre (women falling love with supernatural creatures) because she knew where the money was. So, at 72, I began looking for an agent for the best piece of fiction I have written, and I experienced an extraordinary amount of agism, one 30-something woman declining without even reading the book, saying, "My agency would wonder how many books you have left in you." Geez, I was just surfing last summer. I felt like responding, "How would you feel if I told you that I rejected your novel without reading it because you have skinny legs," Eventually I went with a small respected literary press with little distribution, so the book has been used in some college classes but that's it. It was painful, but sometimes you have to let go of a book and get it out there and move on, instead of waiting for the gods to shine their light on you. To the person who said none of your concerns matter and that we just write for ourselves, I say, "Bullshit." It's a given that we write for ourselves, but there is no writer who doesn't want to have an audience for a book. People always refer to Kafka wanting Max Brod to burn all of his manuscripts but if Kafka didn't want people to read his work, he could have made a bonfire and tossed them all into it.
Couldn't agree more.
You made me laugh outloud! "It's the publishing that sucks. I have published with good independent presses, big houses like HarperCollins, and small literary presses, and it's always a struggle. It's especially difficult with big houses now because they are looking for the "next big thing."" "So, at 72, I began looking for an agent for the best piece of fiction I have written, and I experienced an extraordinary amount of agism, one 30-something woman declining without even reading the book, saying, "My agency would wonder how many books you have left in you." Geez, I was just surfing last summer. I felt like responding, "How would you feel if I told you that I rejected your novel without reading it because you have skinny legs," " A GREAT COMMENT!!
We are at the same crossroads. At 68 with three novels finished, it's apparent we'll never be picked up by either agent or publisher. So, we're trying to hire Kathleen Schmidt with Publishing Confidential to advise us on "best methods" for moving forward with self-publishing. Stay tuned!
P.S. Publishers and Agents have NO IDEA what they're missing! Keep pushing!
I can't believe that agent was so dismissive! Business is business, but authors shouldn't be viewed as content machines - I mean, isn't one of the major appeals of writing the human aspect? I thank you for your insight on the publishing industry.
As for the audience aspect, that rings true for me - my fear of criticism is constantly battling with a desire for my writing to be seen. And how fortunate are we that Kafka didn't kindle that flame?
Molly, thanks for the thoughtful response. I always try to see the humor in it all. It's amusing that writers today are caught in between the Kafka/Emily Dickinson model of supposedly writing for oneself and not caring about a future audience and our current culture where writers are constantly engaged in self-promotion at the expense of writing good stuff. The answer: Just do the work and get it out there without embarrassing yourself. We writers of course have to do something. No one is going to show up at the door and say, "Molly, we heard you're a genius. Can you give us your work to publish?" But sometimes the 24-7 neediness of writers makes me cringe. What reading on Substack has showed me, though, is that there are many, many terrific writers who have trouble publishing when so much junk is being taken by big houses.
Well, I wish you had the answer too, Remy, so you could tell me what it is. Having said that, I also confess to not always loving writing. But I don't find that hard to accept. There's nothing I love that isn't also sometimes a chore or a pain or a tougher challenge than I feel like taking on and maybe I'd rather just take a nap — literally nothing. So why should writing be any different?
Very true.
Please see my comment above - your statements make me wonder if ADD is highly common among highly creative people?
Remy, thank you for this open text. I can relate to it in many ways. Being an obsessive person myself, I do feel burnout sometimes. In this case I try to do something very different to clear my mind. If I write, I stop for a day or two and talk with people more, meet some new ones. Sometimes the break is longer. To not feel guilty about it I sketch short notes if I get a new idea. Latter I expand on some of them.
About being vulnerable. I have a lot of very unusual thoughts and experiences in my life that are hard to find a place and format to share. But my Substack looks like a great place for it, however it is happening gradually. Still do not feel that comfortable to share some ideas, but at the same time it is very tempting to do. We will see how it goes. Nevertheless sharing my intimate contemplations is a therapeutic process. Feels like I have digested and processed it when it becomes a text.
Keep up the good work.
Cheers Tomas, thanks for the thoughtful comment.
There you said it, all that was bugging me today.
My little poem of two and a half lines was my own effort today to let it all go.
Sharing does help, I dare say.
Thank you for this.
Thanks Fotini :)
I love when you and other writers share from their hearts. It’s what keeps the writing connected to the reader.
Anyway… your thoughts bring back a continuing ed course I took about 10 years ago.. it was about secondary trauma (not that writing brings trauma.. bear with me for a moment). And learning how to ease the physical body which then eases the mind.
Your term “clenching” is perfect for what the body does under stress. The instructor for the course said that: We clench our butt cheeks. All of us do. In turn, clenched butt cheeks pinches and stresses the vagus nerve, which is connected to every organ in our body. So of course the body gets stressed right along with the mind. Nerves are pinched,
The cure is in relaxing those butt cheeks on purpose. If it doesn’t happen just by thinking about it, one can bear down like one might when having a bowel movement (yet don’t poo your pants😜).
This simple practice along with some box breathing will begin the letting go of clenching.
Then the author’s brain needs to check in. Not the ego (who lies big time). And I use different techniques to loosen the egos grip. Some of which are: switching viewpoints, becoming a reader of one type, then another type of reader. See how things land in each view. Take the ego for a walk and have a conversation like you might with a 5 year old: what’s going on with the ‘never good enough attitude ego?’.. (listen for the answer) then ask ‘what would it be that might encourage you (the ego) to slightly alter your stance?’ Etc.
and if all that fails, I send the ego on a vacation to someplace fabulous (Bora Bora, Bali, etc) and tell him he’s worked so hard he needs a break. Be sure to send a good book along with him.
You'll be glad to know that I'm relaxing my butt cheeks right now.
Ahhhhh … it could be our new zen thought. 🤭
Great bodywork...! It will also loosen up the clenching of emotions.
Your ego is male, because you send "him" on holiday ☺️ the ego can inflate, deflate, coagulate, blow itself up etc., it's part of juices of life (body) 💜 and creation.
I’m no expert but have you ever tried a different modality like painting or idk opera singing to distract you from the uncomfortable feelings your obsession with “writing every day” brings you? Just a thought. Sharing this way definitely opens up others to not feel threatened to share! It must be challenging to be such a genius and your writing is very brilliant! 😉
Haha, opera singing is such an excellent idea. Next time I have obsessive thoughts I'll launch into Caruso :)
I think you're onto something here. Creativity is like exercise for the mind, yes? And you wouldn't do the same exercise every day, because different muscles need a turn. Also now I want to hear everyone singing opera when they're stuck.
On a different note, while I was writing my last two academic essays I really struggled. Eventually I forced myself into the mindset of "don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good". I got the highest marks of my whole degree on those essays, so clearly something worked!
"don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good". Oh so well said!
This was so interesting to me- it was as though someone had laid some of my peculiar thought processes bare, but better yet, your honesty and vulnerability allowed me to see some novel ways to deal with my weirdness… not that you are peculiar or weird in anyway…that would be ME…oh dear, I do not handle giving or receiving compliments well, please excuse- wonderful writing as always, Remy!! 🤗😊
Thanks Tracy.
Ah, yes weird... turns the energy in the body, a great way to relieve excessive tension. I love weirdness 😉
Me too actually 😊
I also have an uncomfortable relationship with writing sometimes. There! I said it, too. I even wrote about it at some point. It isn't easy to sustain a state of mind, an action, an idea...relentlessly for too long. That's why it's good to take a break from writing and come back refreshed. My last break from my novel took a year. Yup. I'm back to it now with fresh ideas and much enthusiasm.
Understandable. Thanks for your comment Henya :)
Thanks for sharing. I don’t believe any endeavor, those worth doing I mean, is ever easy. Have you considered that discovering the inward-out of creating might be the whole reason to do it? As if the output, be they pages/reels/posts, are simply the manifestation of that therapeutic process in physical form.
Keep creating and keep sharing.
Thanks.
Yes! 👍
I like your explanations of perseverance and clenching. I think about this a lot! My ex would always say that if the struggle was too much, give up because that means it isn’t meant to be. But, then there’s something to be said about sticking something out and making it through the rough spots. Does anything really ever come easy??
I’ve been at a crossroads with my writing for a while. I have at least two books I want to do, but stalled out trying to decide whether to try traditional publishing, self publishing, or try to get an agent… I’m leaning towards self publishing, even though I’m fairly certain I could probably get traditional, and/or possibly get an agent. I go back and forth daily though 🤪 I don’t always do well with self-imposed deadlines.
I certainly don't agree with your ex for sure difficulty shouldn't stop a project otherwise nothing would get done! I do think however that it's key to notice clenching in ourselves and manage to relax processes a bit.
Dear Remy, I have done similar reflection this week and I’m sharing my findings here with you not as self-promotion, but in the hope that it might actually help in finding lightness in the writing process:
https://open.substack.com/pub/imolazsitva/p/finding-joy-in-writing-about-the?r=2q4qf4&utm_medium=ios
What my essay does not address is the clenching part. To that I will add something that I said today to my yoga student who is always so productive. I think the problem is that we often think about productivity in terms of output, I.e. what we produce, and, overlook the value of input, I.e. how we nurture ourselves with joy and inspirations! A quiet moment, taking in the natural beauty of our surroundings, a beautifully composed sentence, our children’s seemingly meaningless chatter, can do wonders to our creative souls. Without which, we march ahead more like machines without souls, not to mention, we are in danger of producing art without a soul. I see slowing down not as a separate part of my creative process, but a vital, necessary part of it! Hope this helps…
Thanks Imola, I enjoyed this.
I hope it helps! Keep on writing Rémy! I enjoy your posts
This article really spoke to me🤍 I have been guilty far too many times of clenching to things, loosing my joy for them and spiraling myself into a pit of obsessive anxiety.
I have completed as a high level athlete and constantly have to learn to approach my training in a healthy way, otherwise I stand still in progress stuck in seeking perfection in a very unhealthy way.
I see similar trends in my writing journey, though I am still a very new writer. I don't always enjoy it, but I love what you said about constantly redefining what writing is. It helps me find the joy again, and it usually lends to much better writing🙌
I'm glad you found it helpful!
Reading this felt like an exhale. I am wholly seen with your witty confession that writing isn't always pleasurable! In my experience, nonwriters well-intentionally tell me my love of writing must make all forms/tasks of writing unwaveringly enjoyable; the dirty truth is that sometimes, even writing for leisure can come with boredom and frustration. But if writing were a person and authorship were a relationship, would we not muscle through the inevitable rough patch or argument and continue to love them anyway? Such is life! I really enjoyed this piece. From one chronically obsessive person to another, keep writing!
Thanks Molly!